home earlier today.
the day was alright.
aint good aint bad.
came home and sleep.
woke up and studied.
still feeling sleepy.
but have to attend tuition.
exams officially commence tmr.
how worrying, how scary~
gonna hit the sack early tonight.
must have enough rest. hahas.
will update again if im free..
well, am running late.
off i go,
poof*good luck to all~
byebye.
waiting for you;am missing you baby..love <3
the sky's rather dark.. dont know why.. but im feeling rather blue.. and my heart's missing him badly.. sighs*
hmm. im really tied down by lots and lots of school work and revisions yet to be done. dont know why the homework only comes in when its close to exams. its really stressing us out. hahas. hmmm. finally i find one thing good about my school. we'll be having early dismissal for the next 2 consecutive thursdays, which is tomorrow and next week. and the following week would be the our second paper for the end of year.. frankly speaking, time kinda flies.. it seems like just yesterday that ive gotten into the first class of secondary two express. everything feels so yesterday.. but at the same time.. time seems to drag. two years seem so long.. haa.
here i am, sitting in my room alone, listening to songs, and blogging at the same time.. part of me is missing him like crazy.. and the other half of me is telling me not to think so much.. hahas. but i cant control myself.. maybe its bcos i love him so much.. so much that i cant see myself doing without him.. it has been days or even weeks since ive contacted him.. there isnt any messages from him.. let alone having him to drop me calls. i wanted to drop him a message so much.. but i just cant find the courage to. how useless.. hahas. and, im feeling helpless.. sigh. it feels good to be loved.. but to love someone and have to wait silently, the feeling, i doubt anyone could understand it..
well, shant talk too much about him.. before i lose myself and start spending the whole day and think of him.. i cant afford to do that ehs.. hahas. lotsa work to complete. and lotsa revision to do. tuition's on tomorrow. but im glad i got the work cleared last night. have to write a compo again today. and have to do my revision on my home econs and math chpt 5. arghs. how stressful. LOLS. alrights. shall get going then. gonna wait for lex to come online and start sending me songs. hahas. okays then.. will update if im feeling as good as last night after my revision. hhas. take care all.
im still missing you without doubts.are you missing me too, my dear?am hoping to see you, love <3
this will be a short one.
well, just done completing everything. not everything.. but the things ive to clear by today. am feeling rather satisfied about that. cos at least i can go to sleep without any troubles or worries. hahas.. feeling good okays~ ;p
hmm.. its 0105 hours now.. guess hes still working. its been some time since ive contacted him.. and im getting pretty fine with life.. perhaps its because im living my own life and am busy with it.. and i cant be bothered by other stuff esp exams are round the corner now.. ive been tied down with all the revisions. but i know everything will be alright after mugging hard for these two more weeks or so. well, i wont say i dont miss him. everytime i come across a clock and get to know about the time, i'll be thinking of him.. wondering if hes doing okay in camp, wondering if hes doing fine for his job.. wondering if his health is getting better.. wondering if he have enough to spend for himself, if heve been going on medications and stuff.. sometimes, i'll miss him that badly that i lose control of myself. hopefully i wont get into those moods in this crucial time for me.. but im afraid after the exams, nothing will keep me occupy.. and i'll go missing him like hell. sigh. but for now, all i wish is for God to bless him.. i'd give him the blessings i've got from God and from everyone else.. i just want things to go well for him.. Bless him, my Lord~
well, baby daph and her mummy got to my place already. they'll be leaving on thursday. prolly night, i dont know. well, due to exams, i cant spend much time playing with daph. gonna miss her badly man. cos i dont know when would be the next time i'll see her.. prolly when she's much much older.. how sad~ but whatever it is, i'll always love daph. hahas~
alrights, its getting late. and id better go catch my sleep before i cant concentrate in class tomorrow.
but i dont feel like sleeping!! hahas. tomorrow's gonna have 2 hours of humanities drilling. history right up after geography. ooohs, stress. cant slack cos there's a change of teacher. sadded man. LOLS. okays, good night all. take care =)
hope you're doing fine..and hoping to see you soon. im missing you real badly, love <3
alrights. its 8pm and there's not a single revision done yet. how irritating. well, just complete watching By the Dolphin Bay the third time already.. or is it the fourth time? hahas. but anyways, once again, i complete watching it. sense of satisfactory~ =p LOLS.
well. screenshot alot of pictures while watching. LOLS. sorry, im sick in the brains, mentally insane. hahas. then now, came to blog. then gonna go revise in a short while. hmmm, guess what? im currently back to idolising Ambrose Hsu. suddenly find him charming. LOLS. the more i watch dolphin bay, the more i admire him. LOLS. screenshot lotsa pictures on him too. hahas. okays, sorry. LOLS. alrights. next, im gonna borrow Full House again. prolly after the exams. im in love with Rain too. he's like oh-my-goodness~ gorgeous. hahahs. and of course not forgetting the famous korean actress, i-forgot-her-name and Angela Zhang. weeets~ =)
well. watched the show, and thought of him. come to think of it... i just wonder exactly how long or how fast would 2 years take.. will it just fly pass just in the blink of an eye? most people wanna be young forever and hope they could always stay 18.. but for me, all i want is for time to pass faster, so i'll grow older, and so i'll take my o'levels as soon as possible.. so that i can have him back in my arms. many told me to give up, cos once a guy is rich, he wont want a young girl like me anymore. instead, he'd go look for a gorgeous babe with pretty face and good figure. and eventually, everything that he've once told me is nothing but a lie. i've ever thought of that too. but i wanna believe him, i wanna let him know that i believe in him.. maybe i'll regret when that day comes.. but for now, i dont wanna think so much.. i just wanna concentrate on my studies and loving him silently...
well, wanted to put up several pictures before i end this blog. but guess the damn thing is not working, so forget it. shall put them up when the damn thing is working. still trying to figure out whats that english name of the jie geng hua. hahas. wanna buy one. LOLS. aiights. study hard. and have an early night everyone.
take care, byebye~
桔梗花的花语是真诚不变的爱~jie geng hua de hua yu shi;zhen cheng bu bian de ai.jiu xiang wo dui ni de ai yi yang.baby wo ai ni <3
back home finally. lets talk about my day. rather boring one i'd say. was reluctant to wake up when darling-jes messaged me at 10am. though i slept earlier than she did last night. hahas. then wilson messaged. cant be bothered. went back to sleep. then he called. gosh. so his call woke me up. its irritating. arghs. woke up, picked up his call. then wenta wash up. and waited for darling to reach my place. she reached at around 12plus. studied together until 5pm. then we went off to compasspoint.
wenta see lingerie again. LOLS. i wanted to buy lahs. hahas. but didnt find the one i want. so headed down to pasir ris. gosh, i dread going there actually. and end up reaching home at 830pm. and i've got a bad headache, hence, a bad mood, and an attitude me. bwahahs. reached home, eat, online and chat with darling. LOLS. we're like sickass. behaving like fools at whitesands. throwing our face. LOLS. but
who cares? hahas. in the end, bought lingerie, cleo, bread and some tofu and went home looking like an auntie. sadded.
well, changed my background for the blog. nice ehs? love it =) hahas. well. gotta go off soon. gonna go take a hot bath. and perhaps study a little then gonna hit the sack. am feeling rather tired already. have been feeling tired rather early since like a week plus already? guess im now used to sleeping early. well, its good for my health, esp its now so close to exams period. hahas.
school's on tomorrow. how sick. thinking if i can skip tomorrow's lesson. but the thought of exams are nearing, i guess i'd better not. be a good girl and attend school daily until this week is over. then go take mc on one of the days next week. stay at home and be a hardworking ass. study and revise what i need to. catch up as much as possible. cos i still have a pile of revision to catch up with. hahas. how sick. but the thought of able to enjoy after the exams keep me going on for now. but after the exams, i dont know what would be become of me. cos by then, i'd be letting my mind run wild. and think of him whenever im free. cos at least now, the pile of revision and work to be completed, is keeping me occupied. i really dont know what would happen after the exams. God Bless me, hahas.
its kinda sad. cos im missing him. sigh. not that i love him no more. i love him, i do. but dont know why. guess
that sickness' reacting again. missing him and dont get to see him equals to a frustrated and upset vivian. missing him hurts, somehow. sigh. baby, im just wondering why 2 years take so long to pass by? when exactly is the day i can find my true happiness back once again? you know only you can give me what i want. sigh. but as before and as always, you'll always be the one i love.
faithfully waiting for only you <3aiights. gonna go then.
take care pple,
and of course my darling.
LOLS~ =Dbaby, im missing you still.its been so long since ive see you;so long since ive hear from you.i just wanna hear your voice;and see you if possible,and know that you're doing fine.loving you <3
im back. let me describe my sucky day to you.
woke up early in the morn.
mugged until around 1700 hours.
then bathe, got changed.
and wenta pasir ris to meet darling jeslyn.
we hang around white sands for awhile.
to check my damn right eye.
was asked not to wear my lenses for 2-3 days.
and see how my eye is.
then headed to john little. to see lingerie.
then we headed to the mrt station.
and wenta tampines.
was crapping the whole time.
saw a damn nice denim jacket at fox women.
went in, tried it on.. lala. outcome was great.
and i like it. and darling say i look nice in it.
so, i bought it. LOLS.
then wenta longjohnsilver for dinner.
i just had a drink. was like darn full.
cos i ate mummy's nasi lemak before going out =p
wenta Sense and there's this super nice salesgirl.
unlike the one at whitesands, attitude as though i owe her a living.
left her with my number. she'll call me up when there's stock.
then walked around. wenta isetan to see mango.
no nice clothings yet. shall wait. hahas.
then wenta converse, charles&keith, levis, op...
then around 10pm, we headed back to pasir ris.
and left for home separately.
quite a boring day lahs.
but overall, kinda fine. LOLS.
dont know what the hell im talking too.
have no idea whether i'll study, or just hit the sack.
im tired, but at the same time...
the thought of having lotsa revision to do..
i just dont know which to do. hahas.
its like 2326 now. and im tired lahs.
arghs. perhaps i'll just.....
okays. do one chapter of revision.
be it math, science or whatsoever.
arghs. alrights. gonna go then.
take care all. night.
missing you <3
its a saturday, yet it doesnt feel like one for me.
hahas, alrights.
shall update about friday.
wenta school and slackked as usual.
i think its the pms reactions.
i was in sucha foul mood yesterday.
its terrible, haha.
got home, hoping to sleep till evening.
wake up and start my revision.
but mummy told me we're going out for dinner.
cos its my parents 25th wedding anniversary.
so,
happy 25th wedding anniversary mom and dad!!wenta eat at Rama Thai cos mom like that place.
sent my sis to her study institution after that.
then the rest of us headed to plaza sing.
wenta walk around and kill time.
at around 10pm, went back to fetch my sis.
while my 2nd sis went back to NTU herself from PS.
the whole time i was making hell loads of noise.
i was like damn tired yesterday lah. dont know why too~
for the past i-dont-know-how-many days..
i usually slept at around 11 plus 12 midnight.
and i slept at 11pm last night. HAHA.
missed catching the damn Ju-On. but its okay~ hahas.
so slept slept slept for about 12 hours, and im here =)
sigh. i needa go off real soon.
cos i needa study.
sheesh~i've got like tonnes of revision to do.
cos its all accumulated since tuesday. sigh!!!!
see if i can finish MOST of the revision by 6 hours.
once MOST of them is cleared, with about 2 to 3 chpts left.
then i'll go out at night to relax myself.
or else i'll go bonkers. LOLS.
alrights. will update soon(at night) if im not going out.
cos that will mean i cant finish most revision. LOLS.
by the way,
happy birthday to Drey =)okays, take care all. byebye.
come back baby please;'cos we belong together.missing you still, love <3
back from tuition finally.
met aiai at compasspoint for dinner first.
headed to bk to grab a bite.
sat down, bitched about everyone and everything.
slowly finish up our food.
then headed to watsons.
she got her mickey's plasters;
and i've got my clean&clear wipes.
then strolled our way outta compass.
then strolled to the 27 bus stop.
we were complaining the weather was cold.
made alot of noise. the bus came. froze in the bus. hah.
then reached mrs kumar's house.
then had tuition till 10pm.
and here i am. LOLS.
lessons are short tomorrow.
home after school. and start mugging after that.
no life ehs? but but but....
after studying what i need to..
if it isnt too late, i'll go out.
if not, chiong vcds!!! hahas...
but seriously speaking, ive been feeling too lazy to go out.
dont know why, but the laziness' there.
bah.alright alrights.
my revisions are not done yet.
dont even know how long i'll take.
perhaps i'll take more than 4 hours??
and here i am planning to go out. terrible, hahas.
oh yah.
chalet's booked. =)
alrights. feeling tired already.
gonna wash up and hit the sack.
take care guys.
night.
hoping to see you soon;waiting for you to return.love <3
*EDITED.gosh. god please bless me.
please bless me with some brain cells.
hardworking ones.
im getting lazier as the day pass.
and i aint follwing tight to my schedule.
i have yet to complete last week's tuition hw.
have yet to revise for tmr's geog common test.
im feeling lazy to do any of the above.
all i've been doing and wanting..
is nothing but to have more and more sleep.
and that sucks. BIG time.
i need some motivation.
anyone?
nah, only he can motivates me.
and the
he is, none other than
him =)
ive finished revising for geog st.
god bless i can remember what ive read through.
cos i was feeling darn sleepy while revising.
just realised im seriously tired.
not just a day's thing.
but the tiredness accumulated over the late nights i've had.
its seriously tiring, kids are not advised to try. LOLS.
and because of the tiredness, i cant study properly.
and that results to stress.
causing me to have pimple outbreaks when im stressed.
and seeing pimples makes me more upset and stress.
and then i'll go berserk. hahas.
gosh. its just a matter of time you'll see me taking MCs.
to stay at home to study, to rest.
i
need them. seriously need them.
damn lessons are on tommorow.
having a damn performance tmr.
then back to home, and tuition at 1930 to 2130.
at hougang.
ohmygod, someone really help me please!!2 hours of tuition, come home, bathe;
and DROP DEAD. i promise* LOLS.
aiights. sis' outta the bathroom.
wash my oily face.
and am gonna hit the sack.
night.
my heart goes out to you, honey.come back please, baby <3
am lost, again.
couldnt help thinking.
cant stop thinking.
my mind runs wild.
my heart goes out searching.
searching for him.
and his love.
ive no idea where is he.
i want him back.
i want him back.
baby come back to me.
you know i love you.
but most of all.
you know i need you.
just come back, will you?
waiting faithfully,
with lotsa love.
baby i love you <3wo zhen de hen xu yao ni..ji shi shi yi tian huo liang tian..wo dou yuan yi..ni hui lai ba, qin ai de~
recounting 2 years, 3 months and 2 weeks~alrights. back finally =)
was actually home 'round 1600hrs.
but i was shag back then. hahas.
so fell on the bed, and started vcd-ing =D
from 'round 5pm till 10pm? hahas~
okays. shall update about friday's trip to JB.
was absent from school.
set off at around close to 11am.
reached there, had lunch at the duck rice store.
then wenta get some things from store...
then headed to Crystal Crown Hotel.
the exterior of the building looks a little rundown.
but the interior was rather good, satisfied bahs. hahas.
checked in our room, then wenta mama's room.
sat down, talked. and peeped at zhuzhu sleeping =)
gosh, she's so darn cute lohs!!! so cute~
its like, she cant keep still when she sleeps.
she will move around, cant keep in one position.
she wakes up, change her position and goes back to sleep.
she just sleeps alot in a day, and thats soooo cute!! hahas.
then when she woke up, she was like a blur sotong.
keep sticking to the papa. hahas.
after she was clear headed, she was then an active baby..
very active one okays!! hahas.. cute lil baby..
we were like playing with her, carrying her around..
feeding her, looking after her and all..
one thing, she's in love with my phone.
she just grabbed my phone and anyhow press.
and she took several pictures of herself unknowingly.
so cute right? bwahahas =D
she's cute, she eats alot, sleep alot, plays alot.
she's very sensitive and clever at the age of 1.
she knows it when someone's crying.
she knows it whenever there's a change in the surrounding.
well seriously, i love daphne alot!! loads!! hahas =D
this girl and her mummy's coming to my place on 27th.
thats great. can get to see daph again. bwahahs~
well, will be waiting for the 27th to come =)
the family left for langkawi this morning.
the remaining us hanged around and went back at 'round 2pm.
reached mama's place at around 3 plus due to the jam.
then reached home around 4, 4 plus. yeahs.
came home, slackked, chiong vcds. and here i am.
but im going to sleep soon.
am sick, am tired. hahas...
alrights. am feeling lazy already.
still waiting to clear my tuition math hw tmr. sians.
arghs. waiting for exams to be over.
then i can relax. provided i do well, shhhhs~ hahas.
alrights alrights.
gonna go wash my face again.
then off to bed. am really worn out.
before i go off and end this entry..
just wanna tell the lot of you guys out there:
my current love is Daphne Choong Mong En~!!
ahhhhhh~!! call me a lesbian, i dont mind.
cos she's my niece or whatsover.
i love my niece, my daphne~!! bwahahs =D
okays, before i get carried away further..
i shall stop my craze over babies now..
take care peeps.
good night, sweet dreams...
buhbyes for now =)
im missing Daphne..and no doubts, im missing my dearest Johan.the current love of my life's Daphne.but the forever love of my life is and will always be Johan;with lotsa love: I Love You, Baby <3
re-counting* one, two, three~just thought of blogging when the color of the sky is nice.
hahas. i know its totally insane.
but the color of the sky reminded me of things..
monday.went back to school. total boredom man.
god save me please.
just slackked around in school.
sleep during lessons.
and the usual things i'd do during school hours.
went home. feeling sick. and slept.
tuesday.reached home 'round 330 from school.
quickly got a change, talked a lil with mummy.
settled some damn things.
and left home for pasir ris.
rushed down, had my lenses checked.
it was fine, got myself two pens from popular.
then sped to his block.
wondering if i should give him a call or what.
ended up making kianhow to make the call.
met him finally.
and as usual, a quarrel breaks out first.
we were like totally insane.
he was scolding his ass off.
and i were keeping my mouth shut throughout.
i teared, he teared. we teared.
but as everything got better as time past...
we were at a corner hugging and kissing.
he held me, and i miss those touch.
i miss the days i have him hug me, kiss me.
i miss his love, his kiss, his hugs, his touch.
i miss everything about him.
after spending some time talking, etc.
he walked me to the bball court.
talked to phebe, barn. he played bball.
its been so long since ive seen him smile, seen him bballing.
he's still as charming as in the past. my dear~
slackked awhile under the void decks.
he then sent me off to the bus stop for home.
we've made a pact, a deal.
i'll look for him after my o levels.
which is around 2 years later.
in between, he'd make use of this 2 years..
work hard and give his mum the best he could.
and by the time i look for him...
he say he'd give me a surprise i'll not regret.
i'm looking forward to it.
and hope he doesnt disappoint me when time comes.
and hope he wont forget about this pact we've made =)
it'll be like 2 years and 'round 2 months before i look for him.
its long, i know. the feelings' no good waiting for someone.
but for him, i'll wait. cos i know he's worth waiting for.
i wont regret my decision i believe.
but even if i were to regret in the end...
by then i'd have learnt a mistake in life.
afterall, its no pain, no gain.
but i hope i'll never have to regret about him.
baby, JIAYOU!! i love you <3
and in between this time..
i guess i should do some reflection.
i needa wake myself up.
i needa know what i've been doing.
and at this point of time...
i should be giving him full support;
instead of stressing him up...
so, sorry baby if ive been stressing you out.
i'll wait for you.
and i hope you'll keep your heart for me;
and wait for me to return~
alright alrights.
gonna go bathe.
and start mugging.
take care alll. byebye.
though life's tough,i'd still wanna carry on with it.not for anything else or anyone else,but its because of him.he's the reason behind everything;he makes me think that nothings impossible.he makes me wanna change, for him.and baby, everything i do, i do it for you.with loads of love and care. hugs*i miss him <3
down with three hundred and fifty five days~i so cant wait for time to pass..
so that things in my life would change.
so that the pain i felt all this time would numb.
so that the love i have for him would fade.
so that the things he've done for me i wont remember.
so that time could wash everything about him outta my mind.
called him last night.
wanted to try my luck and see if we could meet up.
just one meet up or something.
and he made a hell lot of noise about it.
its like, cmon, whats the big deal.
but whatever he say, i aint gonna take that.
cos, he've changed. no longer the johan i once know.
and because of that, i so wanna forget about everything.
not even wanting to keep memories about him.
and as always, he hurls vulgarities at me when aint in good mood.
its like what the heck is that for?
i aint the one who provoke him, who pissed him off.
i hate this guy, i really do.
but afterall, thanks for leaving me.
so that i can see what kinda person you really are.
and so that the chance of me meeting a better guy is higher.
you will be forgotten.
this aint the first time he's hurting me.
be it verbally or physically.
but i guess after 5 months of separating..
this will be the last time he'll be hurting me.
i wont take anymore of his crap.
i've had enough of it.
cos he's making a mountain outta a mole hill.
for the time being, i'll try to let bygones be bygones.
no more of hanging to the past.
no more of promises unkept.
and like the past..
he's never here when i needed someone the most;
even if he promised me a thousand of times he will.
wo bu hui ke yi qu ji de ni.ye bu hui ke yi qu wang ji ni.wo hui shun qi zi ran.rang shi jian bang wo ba ni gei wang le.jiu suan yao zai jiu de shi jian.wo ye bu zai hu..ying wei ni bu zhi de wo qu liu nian.ni shang de wo hen shen; ni zhi dao ma?dan shi shi zhong;wo dou bu xiang ren wei wo ai cuo le ni...baby, dui bu qi
down with three hundred and sixty six days..happy 19th birthday, er jie =)went out at around 4 plus 5 yesterday.
met jeslyn. supposedly fatt.
but in the end, slackked with jes around at dte.
after eating at bk, saw phebe, barn and kianhow.
so slack together at mac.
crapped, they ate, blah blah blah.
then 'round 7 plus, kianhow left for home.
jeslyn left for her fren's chalet.
so left phebe, barn and me. slackked.
then barn left for home 'round 10plus.
then phebe and me slack around.. until 'round 11pm.
then headed to her home.
wanted to change and leave.
but but but. a tale of 2 sisters made us stay.
watched till 1 plus, got tired of that damn show.
then wenta her room watch 3 ge hao ren.
watch half way sleep. LOLS.
then 'round 5am fatt call me.
went down meet him. then waited for first bus.
then to his house, then he sent me to bus stop.
reached home around 715am.
headed straight to my room, my bed.
he asked me to call him.
he apologise for shit. then i drop dead.
was like freaking tired lahs. hahas.
slept till around 12plus in the noon.
woke up, slackked, watch tv, eat.
and here i am. rather no life ehs?
supposedly going out with fatt and hannie.
but damn the two of them.
im staying at home. its like.. hell.
and because that two idiot.
im going to work outta boredom later.
that is freaking NO LIFE lohs.
the sun's so freaking big.
wanna rain, then dont want. ai mai ai mai.
irritating. God Bless it rains heavily the whole day.
i cant stand hot weathers. or fine weathers with majestic sun.
that will freaking turn me off and irritate me further.
work work work later. that is like.
gosh, saturday and im working. what the hell.
to piss me off further, its the second last day of my hols.
okays, to hell with it.
i dont understand him.
i dont understand myself.
i dont know what i want exactly.
im very irritated with everything, including myself.
im in a freaking bad mood.
why aint he here when i needed someone the most?
or should i say, when i needed him the most...
previously i said i wanna give up on everything..
but i realised it isnt that simple.
wanting to give up on everything..
need and requires one to have strong determination.
and i do not have that kinda determination.
im rather fickled minded i guess..
especially when it comes to matters involving
him.i've tried all ways to convince myself;
he isnt everything in my life..
i can find better guys, with a matter of time.
there are times when im busy..
and these lies actually worked on me..
but now, though keeping myself occupied.
i cant stop myself from thinking of him.
always wondering what is he freaking busy with.
thinking why is he always busy when i wanna meet him up.
maybe he's just trying to avoid.
maybe he's just trying to let me forget him.
i dont know, and i dont wanna know.
i really dont know whats up with me.
always always contradicting myself.
why, why am i doing so much?
doing so much for what aim, i dont know.
i dont know why, i really dont.
doing so much to get him back?
doing so much to forget him?
i dont know, i really dont know...
all i know it hurts.. its painful.
perhaps i should just forget him...
just make him into nothing but memories...
but i cannot overcome my own obstacle;
how can i even move on in life?
sometimes, i myself dont know what i want....
wo hen xiang fang gong hou qu zhao ta.
dan shi wo you pa ta hui zai ci de ju jue wo.
xin zhong de na zhong tong, na ge tong..
you you shui neng qu li jie ne?
wo bu zhi gai bu gai chang shi qu zhao ta..
wo hai pa zi ji you hui zai mian dui tong ku.
wo bu xiang zai tong xia qu..
ying wei na zhong gan jue hen bu hao shou.
xiang dao zhe xie, wo de xin bu jin tong le qi lai.
yan lei luo xia lai.. xin gen zhe sui...
zhe yang de deng dai zhi hui rang wo geng tong ku.
ta yao rang wo zhe yang de deng dai duo jiu..
hai shi zhe yi qie cong yi kai shi jiu shi yi xiang qing yuan?
ta shang de wo hao shen, hao shen...
shuo shen me zi ji liao jie wo bi wo liao jie ta duo..
qi shi ta gen ben dou bu dong wo de xin...
Coco's Bei Ai De Nu Ren~zai jing zi mian qian, wo shi ge bei ai de nu ren
ta zhan zai men wai
zhe ge zhou mo wo ke yi yi lai zai ta de xiong huai
zai qing ren mian qian, wo hai shi dan shen de nu ren
ai ruo que le yuan fen
wo xiang wo zhi neng yong qing zhi shen
dan bu neng tai ren zhen
wei shen me bei ai, you shi que jue de bei ai
wei shen me wo hai shi hai pa yi ge ren xing lai
wei shen me xiang ai, ri zi que reng ran kong bai
wei shen me ni, zou bu dao wo de wei lai
rang ai gu ding xia lai, wo bu hui yong yuan qing chun ke ai
wo de mei li yao ni de wen rou bang wo bao liu xia lai
rang ai gu ding xia lai, wo he ni bu yao bu yao fen kai
wo bu yao ai yi zai yi zai cai pai
*wo bu shi mei ci shi lian hou dou neng chong xin zai lai
xin hen tong. hen tong hen tong.
wo hen xiang jian ta yi mian.
wo hui jian dao ta ma?
down with three hundred and fifty seven days~wo tu ran jue de hen lei.
hen xiang fang qi shen bian suo you de yi qie.
wo bu xiang zai zuo yi ge ben dan.
bu xiang zai lang fei shi jian deng xia qu.
sui ran wo yi ran hai fei chang shen ai ta..
dan ta zhe yang ju qi bu ding.
fen fen zhong yiu zhi gai bian zhu yi..
yi xia zi yao wo deng, yi xia zi yao wo yi wang.
ta dao di ba wo dang cheng shen me?
wo jiu tu ran gan jue dao hen lei.
zuo tian xiang le hen jiu..
ye xiang le hen duo..
ta si hu gen ben dou bu zai hu wo de cun zai.
shuo shen me hui yong yuan zai wo shen bian..
shuo shen me hu yong yuan de ai wo...
zhe xie hua shi yong lai pian ren de bahs..
zai guo qu de yi nian ban yi lai..
wo jiu zhe yang mi mi hu hu de bei ai chong hun le tou.
man nao zi xiang de zhi you yao zen me he ta kuai le.
xian zai xiang qi lai, wo jue de wo hao sha ya...
wo bu hou hui na yang de ai ta.. wo ye bu hui.
ying wei mei you tong guo, wo shi bu hui xue hui shi qing de.
xian zai ta yi bu zai wo shen bian le..
wo dei xue hui du li, zi ji yi ge mian dui shi jie.
mei you ta, wo sui ran fei chang bu xi guan.
ou er gu dan ji mo shi hui xiang qi ta..
zou guo wo men qu guo de di fang, hui xiang qi ta..
zuo zai wo men zuo guo de ka fei ting ye hui xiang qi ta..
zhe xie mei li de hui yi.. zhi neng zuo wo he ta de hui yi.
you xie shi shi bu neng qiang qiu de..
xian zai, wo zhi neng xue hui du li..
man man de rang shi jian bang wo wang le ta..
er ba ta he wo de hui yi, mai zai xin li de zui di cheng..
rang wo kan bu dao ta, ting bu dao ta..
zhi neng yong zui shen de gan qing qu gan jue dao ta de cun zai~
zai wo yao wan cheng zhe pian ri ji zhi qian..
wo xiang dui ta shuo...
wo bu hou hui na me yang de ai ni..ye bu hou hui wo men cen shen ai guo dui fang..shui ran biao mian shang wo hui kan qi lai mei shi..dan shi wo xin li yi jing tong de yi jing si diao le..shui ran biao mian shang wo kan qi lai mei zai deng dai..wo xi wang ni hui zhi dao, zai wo xin li...wo shi shi zhong dou bu hui fang qi wo men mei li de ai qing~qo bu zhi wo men he shi hui jian mian, hui lian luo..suo yi, qing duo bao zhong..zui hou, wo xiang gao su ni de shi...baby, wo ai ni <3wo hui zhe yang de deng dai xia qu;yin wei wo xiang xin...
down with three hundred and fifty-nine days..hmmm.. how shall i start?
okays. slept darn early last night.
at 'round 2330 hours?
early for me, cos my bedtime's usually after 1am.
hahas, i know its bad for health. LOLS.
slept for 'round 11 hours odd.
and woke up at around 1045am.
was stoning on my bed..
thinking if i should continue sleeping or not..
i was still feeling damn tired lahs. hahas..
but still chose to wake up.. hardworking ehs? =P
then CRAWL down from my bed.
wenta wash up and had a change of new clothes.
and sat down infront of my computer.
mummy and bro went down for breakfast.
and to meet granny also.
so brought
breakfastlunch back for me.
ate, then start slackking.
what a lazy pig, right? bwahahas =D
then after awhile, got darn bored.
so start throwing every piece of clothing outta my wardrobe.
and start clearing my wardrobe. hehes.
and i meant clear.
i got every piece of clothing out, and took them off the hangers.
threw them on my sister's bed.
and start re-packing my wardrobe.
folded clothes i didnt want and put them in a bag.
waiting for my mum to clear them.
either to give them to orphanages.
or to throw them away which is a big waste lahs.
so clear clear clear, and got tired after close to 2 hours.
wanted to do my holiday homework...
but due to the clearing, i got sooooo tired..
hahas. so decided to throw everything aside.
switched on my air-con, and start watching At the Dolphin Bay.
bwahahs. watched it 3 times already.
and this is the 4th time im re-watching it =)
so from 4 plus until now, i cleared 4 episodes.
was enjoying. but damn tired lahs. hahas.
was laying on my sis' bed, eating tidbits.
and 'round 6 plus 7, dinner came.
so just enjoyed munching while watching.. hahas.
then i think its time to stop, and to start a lil on my work.
so stopped watching the show, and wanted to do my work.
but i came back online and started blogging.
cos im feeling damn damn bored. LOLS.
i think its almost impossible for me to do my assignments.
for someone like me, last minute work i guess... hahas..
just hung up with jes.
meeting her tomorrow. 'round 12 noon.
going down to bugis first. to collect my things.
then slack around for awhile..
then heading for fatt's house to chiong vcds.
bwahahas!!! relax man.. LOLS.
that charrborr keep saying my parents so good.
where got sia.... LOLS.
say my parents damn relax. lalala.
be a lil more responsible, im sure yours would be fine too!!
be responsible in both studies and your life.
parents wont interfere much in your life de bahs.. =)
hmmm. now thinking what vcds to bring over.
hahas. alot like love and what lehs?
perhaps some suspense and horror de bahs.
that two lame asses love horror. hahas.
but im now thinking how to tell fatt.
cos he only asked me over.
and he've got quite alot of comments de.
so im afraid there'd be troubles if i tell him about jes.
sigh, darn troublesome.
but God Bless everything would be fine =)
friday would be sucha hassle.
needa wake up early, prolly not so early.
meeting yen-darling at 12 noon.
dont know where we'll be going.
perhaps slack around somewhere.
i wont have much to spend for friday also.
sigh. wonder where the hell can we go.
but she've gotta leave 'round 7plus.
she've to meet up xue-er and co.
gonna go watch line-dancing. boring =x
and i'll go home after that.
cos my saturday would be busy.
firstly, it'll be my 2nd sis' birthday in 3 days' time.
and oh yah. before i forget, i needa get my sis her gift.
damn, what to get for her lehs?
think until headache ah. sians =(
secondly, meeting up with hannie and fatt.
gonna go catch the maid. feeling so sucky already. LOLS.
then sunday comes.
then the damn holidays will end.
and back to the damn school.
and im feeling suckier now. haha =x
hmm. dont know what to do now also.
prolly i'll go dig out some news article for journal.
and start writing on one or both.
then i'll be left with one personal entry and book review.
and to complete the bits of my chinese ws.
and perhaps my online math homework.
then, tadah!! my assignments all cleared =)
alright alrights.
gonna go dig out some news articles right now.
then prolly go mix and match my clothes for tmr.
then im sooo gonna hit the sack!!
im tired lahs. damn tired somemore. hahas.
wonder why am i feeling so tired though did nothing much.
guess im growing old as each day pass. hahas.
kkays lahs.
gotta go le lahs. its been 1 and 1/2 hours.
hahas. my homework how?!??! LOLS.
take care guys.
and enjoy the last half of the holidays.
byebye~
my mind is filled with nothing..but him, him, him... my love.
down with three hundred and sixty days~oh~!! im soooo blooody tired.
i
need my sleep, God bless me with some please..
alrights.
time seems to CRAWL.
its sooooo damned slow. and im irritated.
sunday.said wanted to go out.
but rot at home the whole night if im not wrong.
thats like sooooo freaking boring.
or was it that im out? gosh. i remember nothing.
monday.woke up darn early.. at 'round 830am.
though its the holidays...
but i've to go for tuition. math somemore =(
after the tuition, quickly wenta pasir ris.
wenta loyang mac. met up with yen.
sat around and did our homework..
waited for the rest of the crews to gather..
waited for angeline and the managers..
then together wenta the new condo at flora dr.
went to the function room first...
slackked, talked, played games...
the aunties were mad i tell you..
they are sick in the brains, mentally insane!! haas.
then 'round evening time, bbq start.
stayed around, played, and had angeline in e pool!!
hahas, that was fun i guess...
after that, had a short talk blah blah blah.
waited for angeline then went off in her car.
sent yen to simei for tuition first...
then she drove me to downtown east..
on the way talked about lotsa stuff.. darn funny.
then she dropped me at bk there.
walked around, wanted to look for
him.but
he said
he wasnt free, so gave it up.
from downtown walked to 427.
sat down and thought about things. looked like a fool.
walked around, then to white sands.
look around in gio and nanyang optics for contacts.
then fatt say he was going home.
so met him at
his house bus stop there..
then on the way there saw either
him or jofri.
but when i walked past
his house...
saw
his room lights were litted.
stared for awhile, and walked away..
i dont wanna think too much..
and make myself upset over
him again..
when i feel pain,
he dont know. whats the point?
then took the bus home lohs. lalala.
he then messaged me close to 12am.
and after i reply,
he didnt reply.
im utterly disappointed with
him, i really am.
reach home, fell asleep thinking about
him.im upset, im hurt once again...
but still, i miss
him.tuesday.woke up early again.
and went for tuition again.
made another round of payment. sia la. $200.
but seriously, i felt that tuition did help indeed.
hahas. so 2oo didnt really go to waste bahs..
after tuition, headed down to loyang mac again.
wenta claim mc and to see amy.
angeline was there too~ chatted with her..
chit chat, talk crap and listen to her nonsense..
hahas. what a restaurant manager~ LOLS.
waited for yen to come down..
and i did my tuition work while waiting..
cleared most and left with 6 questions =)
then saw haoie and one of my bro.
then got them to sent me to bus stop.
needa leave early bcos needa help mum record show.
if not, i'd still be in mac now lohs~ grrrr.
come home jitao sians. nothing de. boooo.
but come home early also good...
after updating, i think i going sleep le ehs~
so long never sleep properly le.. sigh.
hmmmm. dont know what to do tmr.
dont know where to go tmr..
perhaps staying at home to study.
which is rather NO LIFE. but.... no choice.
thats sooooo saddening man. hahas...
ohyarhs. i've got my pair of contact lenses done.
sad to say, my degrees increased, a little.
50 & 75 the previous time.
75 and 100 this time round...
but finally, i've got my contacts..
school will be much easier man. hahas..
and bought a pair of khakis from gio.
10 bucks off all bottoms mahs.. hahas..
gosh. needa find one day go bugis.
needa clear and collect things.
my provocative woman and handicraft thingy.
see when bahs.. but must be asap. grrrr.
feeling pain and upset..
i dont know why..
maybe because loving him hurts me..
maybe because missing him hurts..
but i dont know why am i still like this..
loving him knowing nothing will come outta it.
missing him knowing i'll have nothing in return.
maybe really like what they say...
i cant accept the fact~
alrights.
am feeling really tired.
gonna go sleep now.
take care all..
byebye.
baby, when will you be back?you will come back right?unsure, uncertain-
down with three hundred and sixty-two days..what a nice morning.
its raining so heavily, and im supposed to be on bed!!
well.. my yesterday was spent by..
meeting yen-darling at heartland mall at 5pm.
that dumbo. ended up breaking up with dawson.
walked around heartland mall..
saw stance, julin, cheryl, zirong and ivan..
the girls were like wow-ing..
and the guys were like staring.. LOLS.
cos i was like wearing a tube, 3quarts and heels.
very what mehs? no what. my common dresscode ehs..i thought to myself.. but nevermind.. hahas~
then headed down to that dance area at the interchange.
watched line-dancing... and danced to the music a lil too.
then 2 guys who were at least 24yrs wanted to ask for no.
but im farrrrrrrrrrrr toooo young alrights?!?!?!
it was darn funny larhs.. hahas..
den chatted with dennis, who's dawson's elder bro.
where dawson's my primary 1&2 classmate.
he's quite fluent with his language..
but i feel it was a lil too slang. kinda fake.
but nevertheless, talked about school lives and lalala.
then walked with yen, xue-er and shandy to 81 bus stop.
den took 81 back to pasir ris...
headed straight down to dte with yen.
cos she aint feeling toooo happy due to the breakup.
den walked to the beach...
but 'round 11plus close to 12am..
we walked back to mac for a drink cos my stomach hurts.
then she ate the new ice cream..
i wanna eat lahs.... boooo!!!then she went off at 12am..
and i waited for fatt till 'round 1230am..
sat down and talk crappp.
got tired of sitting, then walked to the beach.
sat down, fell asleeep, walked around, talk crap.
it was then around 545am we walked outta beach..
headed to the main road and flag for a cab.
drop him off at his home, and me headed home.
was damn tired alrights...
and my stomach was hurting terribly..
bathed, took medicine and sleep at 'round 7am..
until 1130 my mum woke me up..
to watch superstar.. its like.. what the heck?!?!
i didnt had enough sleep lohs. freaking shag can..
i feel like sleeping..
but i doubt i can at this time..
cos i needa do my schoolwork and my tuition work.
cos am having tuition tmr and tuesday morning..
then will be going for bbq tmr..
its mac crew gathering.. like
boo. LOLS.
dont know where i'll be going later..
maybe heading down to pasir ris..
needa settle some stuff..
and seek some help. LOLS.
alright alrights.
will update asap...
cos sis needs the com now..
tatas`
im in a big big mess.i dont know what to do.where were you when i needed you most??
down with three hundred sixty-four days~alrights. was home since 1330.
very guai bahs.. bwahahs..
was darn happy in school today..
perhaps its bcos today's the last day.. *hiaks
but nevertheless, we got back our termly results.
and...... and i did not bad!!! hahas =D
got 4-a1, 4-b4 and 1-c6. LOLS.
thats
bad actually.
but im glad at least both my EL & CL got a1 =)
and my math improved =D
just that my sucky history sucked a little.
just this time only, i promise*
cos i was absent, and the things tested i didnt learn.
so yuppies, but its too bad cos im sick... lalala.
generally felt that my a1 should maintain;
my b4s are darn close to b3, can improve;
and my c6 which is my hist can be at least b3 de.
so im planning to jump 3 grades ahead for my hist.
i will do it, and i must. cos my humanities dont suck.
look at my past year results and you'll know =)
overall, everything got above average..
except for my hist and art which lack of 2 marks.
and art, can relax a little i guess..
but must do equally well also lahs..
cos the overall
does affect my promotion~
on the whole, im kinda satisfied and happy..
will study hard for my EOY de. promise*
so God Bless me =D
alrights.
dont know what else is there to say..
cos i dont seem to have much to say..
hahas.. and, errs.. i didnt go out too..
so yeahs, nothing much to say..
but i wanna complain..
maybe i'm ill or something..
the food i eat everyday sucks.
be it at school or at home...
all so tasteless, blend. terrible terrible~
just when can i recover my sense of taste?!
hahas, im insane =x
hmm. dont quite look forward to the hols.
but at least there's time to rest now..
no work, but have to do self study and tuition.
gotta prep for EOY oreadi..
3 more weeks to language paper1.
sigh. time seem to fly, yet slow at the same time..
im feeling funny. im weird. LOLS.
okays. gotta go bathe and change.
meeting fatt in awhile.
for a walk, talk or something.. hahas..
the weather's good. shld be enjoying it bahs..
hahas.. well.. take care all..
study hard during the hols..
and dont forget to play hard too =)
i miss him, loads.believe that he'll be happy to know i did well.and will tell him about it when i see him next sat.wait for me darling... <3
my number 100th post.
im feeling numbed.
having a mixed feeling.
contented, and unhappy.
we talked and things were pretty fine.went out of my house at 1630.
took number3 down to pasir ris.
changed to 39. and reached his house at 1730.
waited and waited and waited for time to past.
then around 1812 i dont see him.
start panicking.. so went around and look for him.
then saw him when he walked from bball court.
so yuppies, talked.
at first things kinda suck.
cos he jitao give me some attitude.
sat down at mama shop there...
and talked. talked till quarrelled a little.
but managed to know what he's planning to do.
get to know his dreams and goals..
at least im now more at ease...
den talked until a little late..
den around 7plus saw fatt with anas that few.
then fatt sat down with us and talked.
den ended up going to west plaza together..
ate, drank and talked.
walked fatt home, then he sent me home.
got home, missed him..
so made some excuses to get out of home.
went down and look for him...
so sat down and chit chatted a little..
separated with a hug and a goodnight kiss.
planning to go out for movie next saturday.
shall make time for him.
will be watching the maid with him and fatt.
thats good. i missed hanging out with them.
funny pair of buddies. hahas..
finally, i know what i wanna do.
though i heard unpleasant things..
but i heard some hope in between the lines..
so maybe, maybe there'll be hope.
one year aint long i guess..
just take it im doing something for him..
in return for all that he've done for me..
and by then, it'll be a tie!!
we've been together for 1year going 6 months.
and i'll be waiting for him 1year going 6months.
so if everything were to start afresh by then...
i will, i promise i will be a better girlfriend~
tonight, im suppose to give someone an answer.but, im sorry my dear..because i've decided to wait for my boy.i really cant put him down.. and its impposible for me to forget him..alrights.
by the end of the day...
there'll be one left being hurt..
but i seriously do not mean it.
so now, im gonna take my leave..
and well, take care all...
God Bless everything will turn out well;for him and his future... love <3
feeling upset, broken, torn-apart.woke up 530 in the morning..
quickly bathed, got changed.
wrote a short note, paste it on the strepsils box.
took my handphone, mp3, wallet.
and went out of my house.
took number3 down to pasir ris.
then quickly took 81 to his place.
put the strepsils at his door step.
and waited for him to leave home for work.
wanting to see him leave for work..
i dont mind even if i can only see his backview.
but, stupid me... missed him.
ran to the interchange frantically.
wanted to look for him...
but the more i tried to look for him..
the more upset i get...
cos i see no signs of army guys..
dragged my feet to the bus stop for home..
replied his message on the bus..
and in return, received ugly messages..
and foolish me started weeping on the bus..
reached home, went to the roof garden.
sat down, messaging each other and cried.
after i stopped replying..
i sat down crying, thinking about everything.
i just sat down crying and crying.
thinking about the promises he once made.
thinking about the sweet nothings..
thinking about what he told me just 4 days back.
and thinking about what he just told me..
feeling more hurt, and cried even more..
i prayed for god to give me a shorter life..in return i want god to give him back to me.i dont mind if i just have that even 1 year to live..i just want him to be with me till then..thats all, really. thats all i ask for from god..the guy who say he'll give me another opportunity;
the guy who say he'll come back;
the guy who say he loves me;
the guy who say he never want us to part;
the guy who say he'll be there for me always;
the guy who say he'll takecare of me t.d.d.u.p;
the guy who say he'll make me marry him one day;
now tell me to forget him...
i really dont know what is he trying to do..
and to get things cleared..
to get things done once and for all..
i decided to go look for him after his work.
he may not wanna see me during this period of time..
but he cannot leave me hanging there..
like a fool, like a big fool waiting for spore to snow..
and i've decided on the things i wanna do.
tonight, there will only have 2 outcomes.
nothing more, nothing less.
im tired of waiting..
waiting for someone who dont know what he wants.
and most of all, im tired of my life.
very tired.i may be very stupid, very dumb,
very naive.but i doubt he knows he's the only one i love.
and i doubt he knows im serious about waiting.
most importantly, i doubt he knows what he wants.
everytime we smsed, he'd have different decisions.
and that leaves me feeling very upset, very pain.
i've ever thought that forgetting is a good way out.
but little do i know, i couldnt forget him..
forgetting him is = to running away from reality.
i dont wanna run away from reality.
because running away doesnt help at all..
the problem will still be there.. left unsolved.
i've to face it one day.
its impossible to forget;
bcos i'm sure there'll be a day we'll meet outside.
life is just like this..
things deeply etched in your heart..
is difficult to remove..
just like the love i have for him..
after so much of talking..
the strong headed him will never change.
actually i could save my trip there..
cos even now.. im certain of what he'd say.
and there again, i'll be hurt, and i'll cry.
i can actually get prepared with what i wanna do.
because its a 80-20 situation.
and as always, i can never get what i want.
guess all i can do now..
is to pray very hard;
so that God can answer to my prayers.
and before i end this entry..
the strong headed me..
will still love the same old guy;
whom she love since 181103.
and even before 181103;
i've already fallen in love with him <3
